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Do Hard Things, by Steve Magness
Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of REAL TOUGHNESS
Matt Karamazov
June 05, 2023 • Estimated Reading Time: 24 minutes
Hey, good evening!
I’m back today with my complete breakdown of an incredibly wise book about developing mental toughness called Do Hard Things, by the Olympic performance coach Steve Magness.
The breakdown itself is about 8,500 words, covering all the Key Ideas, Book Notes, Action Steps, and more.
It’ll only take you about 33 minutes to read the whole thing, and in it, you’ll learn how to become even more skilled at listening to your body and interpreting the internal messages it’s constantly sending you about your ability to face challenges, overcome obstacles, and, you know, do hard things!
The book also critiques the old model of mental toughness (the one where you’re just thrown in the deep end without first being taught how to swim).
Moreover, Steve teaches how you can be sensitive and tough, and how that’s actually more effective than berating yourself and beating yourself up all the time for your perceived failures.
You can read the full breakdown here, but I’ll give you a little preview in this email so you can decide whether to check out the full one later.
Again, totally free.
I should actually say “free for right NOW,” because it’s going back behind the paywall very shortly.
Then it’s just for members only at the Stairway to Wisdom.
I’d also like to say that tonight’s newsletter is brought to you by North Star Readers, a daily book newsletter where you’ll find free and $0.99 Kindle ebook deals!
They offer titles for both nonfiction and fiction readers, and so if you like saving money on great books, you may want to check out North Star Readers!
Alright now, let’s Do Hard Things!
This Book is For:
*Athletes and coaches who are looking to set new standards of personal excellence and competitive greatness that have nothing to do with punishment and ridicule and everything to do with intense effort and emotional flexibility.
*Business owners and professionals who feel burned out trying to live up to unrealistic expectations of impossible levels of accomplishment, and who instead want to learn how to achieve sustainable success and competitive greatness.
*Anyone who needs someone to believe in their underlying worth as individuals and competitors, and who wants to learn how to treat themselves as they would a really good friend whom they wanted to see succeed.
*Everyone who's ever felt that they have more inside of them to give, and who wants to develop their ability to access more of that potential in order to share it with the world.
Summary:
“Real toughness is experiencing discomfort or distress, leaning in, paying attention, and creating space to take thoughtful action. It’s maintaining a clear head to be able to make the appropriate decision.
Toughness is navigating discomfort to make the best decision you can. And research shows that this model of toughness is more effective at getting results than the old one.”
We've never really understood the true nature of mental toughness until now.
Before Steve Magness and the pioneering scientists whose research he presents in this book came along, we've seen only one side of it, and this book will show you that there's more to toughness than we usually realize and more inside you than you've ever known.
The old model of mental toughness was based on fear and ridicule, shame and doubt. It was based on hiding all evidence of weakness, and the old style of coaching and leadership involved yelling and screaming at people until they get closer to what we wanted them to be - not for the purpose of allowing them to reach their full potential.
That changes today, and it changes with this book, Do Hard Things.
Steve Magness is a high-performance coach and scientist who works with Olympic athletes and people of comparable ability and prowess, and his book is a compelling and useful attempt to "fix" our old definition of mental toughness and replace it with something more flexible, more insightful, and ultimately, more useful.
Do Hard Things draws from the very latest in science and psychology to teach us how we can work with our body, emotions, and feelings, and how we can shift the very meaning of discomfort in our minds by leaning in, paying attention, and allowing ourselves the mental freedom to perform at the highest level of which we are capable.
The new model of toughness is all about embracing reality, listening to what our body is trying to tell us, responding instead of reacting, and transcending discomfort by tapping into the deeper meaning behind it all. The old model made everything look like a nail, so the only tool it could offer us was a hammer.
One of the most important ideas we'll explore in this breakdown is the vital importance of always telling yourself the truth about what's really going on. It's this foundational honesty that is a massive part of what makes true toughness possible.
We'll talk about the difference between challenges and threats, and how successful competitors tend to view what's in front of them as the former instead of the latter. It's a more productive approach to overcoming adversity that realizes that what your body is telling you are messages that you can either choose to accept or choose to ignore and let go to mental voicemail.
There's everything in this book from mindfulness, military case studies, psychology, neuroscience, philosophy, and more, and it all comes together in a wonderful book that ends up being more growth-focused, intent on building you up, rather than tearing you down. Focusing on what's right with you, what you can accomplish, rather than what you lack or what is temporarily out of reach.
You already have everything you need within you in order to become more resilient, stronger, tougher, more flexible, and more adaptable. To paraphrase the great psychologist, Abraham Maslow, toughness isn't about adding something to you that isn't there already, it's about acting, striving, and competing as the person you are...with nothing taken away.
Key Ideas:
#1: Our Current Model of Toughness is Outdated
“The old model of toughness, in essence, throws people into the deep end of the pool but forgets that we need to first teach people how to swim.”
There are leaders and coaches who scream, yell, and rage, and there are leaders and coaches who do not. Both types of coaches win games, and you'll find both types of leaders at the head of successful companies and sales teams.
But the former type is fading into irrelevance, and modern research into the science of toughness and resilience has shed light on a better way to lead.
There is some value in being harsh and demanding as a leader, and for every quiet unassuming John Wooden, there's a Vince Lombardi out there screaming at his players at the top of his lungs and still winning championships.
Not only that, but different players will respond to different types of "encouragement," let's call it. Personally, I love - and respond well to - the David Goggins/Tom Platz style of DEMANDING excellence from oneself and REFUSING ever to leave the gym a loser. I've never seen either of them berate anyone, but they don't go easy on you, either. And no, you're right, some people wouldn't be able to handle that kind of tough love.
But what's common to both approaches is that successful teams led by outstanding leaders develop the skills necessary to thrive at a high level of accomplishment. Their focus on teaching skills and drilling fundamentals is what puts them ahead, not the verbal bullets they're firing at those under their leadership.
Before "toughen up" can ever be helpful as a directive, people need to know what to actually do. If someone doesn't already possess the skills to be able to do what you're demanding they do, no amount of yelling and screaming or berating is going to help. You have to teach someone how to be tough, not ridicule them because they aren't already.
A better approach to developing toughness works in the same way as a vaccine. Vaccines expose people to limited quantities of a disease in order to build up a person's resistance over time. In the same way, when you gradually expose people to harder and harder challenges, their ability to meet those challenges grows in step with those increased exposures.
Any respectable model of mental toughness is going to involve teaching people the fundamental skills of their chosen activity and placing them in situations that allow them to practice and develop those skills against harder and harder opponents, which Magness explains very well here:
“If we ‘vaccinate’ someone to extreme stress, they’ll be able to handle it better. The first step isn’t to throw someone into the deep end of extreme stress; it’s teaching the skills necessary to cope with the situation.
Without learning the skills, the second part – putting individuals in a harrowing environment to practice those skills – is useless. The key to stress inoculation, though, is like a real vaccine: you don’t want it to be so powerful that you overwhelm the system.”
#2: And This Above All: To Thine Own Self Be True
“A key component of real toughness is acknowledging when something is hard, not pretending it isn’t.
An honest appraisal of ourselves and the situation allows us to have a productive response to stress. It can shift whether our body is pushed toward fear or excitement, challenge or threat. And in turn, whether we’ll take a risk, shy away, or be able to access our full potential.”
Leaders who instill fear and feelings of inadequacy end up creating a culture of dishonesty as well, and this is disastrous for high performance.
When it's not psychologically safe for people to admit - even to themselves - that they're having difficulties, they miss out on crucial opportunities to be able to turn negative stressors into positive occasions for growth.
We'll talk more about this in the next Key Idea, but the competitor who's made to feel as though they need to put on this Ivan Drago-like show of invincibility at all times isn't going to progress at the same rate as someone who possesses the strength to be completely honest with themselves.
As the Nobel Prize-winning theoretical physicist, Richard Feynmann used to say, the first principle is that you must never fool yourself and you are the easiest person to fool. Our ability to make progress in the pursuits that matter deeply to us depends on our capacity for honesty, and that's why you must never, ever, ever lie to yourself if it's your wish to realize your fullest potential.
Dr. Feynmann is right: our own capacity for self-deception is quite stunning, and Steve Magness correctly notes that it's the enemy of progress. We also need to be honest when we ask ourselves, "Do I want to shrink away from this new challenge? Or do I have what it takes to proceed, to take one more step into the unknown?"
It's all about developing the mental pliability necessary to get the correct response out of ourselves. It's about saying, "Maybe I don't have what it takes yet, but I can learn, I can improve, and I don't yet know the limits of that. So maybe I should keep going and try to find out."
In Hamlet, when Polonius says to Laertes, "And this above all: to thine own self be true," he's dispensing incredibly effective, timeless advice. He's not preparing the road for Laertes but preparing Laertes for the road, and with this first principle in mind, he stands a much better chance of handling adversity. As Steve Magness says himself:
“Our ability to be ‘tough’ and handle adversity starts well before we even encounter any difficulty. It starts with embracing the reality of the situation and what you’re capable of.”
#3: Seeing Challenges Where Others See Only Threats
“Research consistently shows that tougher individuals are able to perceive stressful situations as challenges instead of threats.”
You should be careful how you see the world because it really is that way.
The reality we find ourselves in isn't infinitely malleable, of course, but we do have some significant say in what goes on in our direct, felt experience. As human beings, we can mentally reframe stressful situations into healthy challenges, and it's imperative that we do.
Steve Magness's research backs this up. In his words:
“Our appraisal of a situation as a threat or as a challenge depends on the perceived demands of that stressor versus our perceived abilities to handle them. Do we have the resources to handle the demands?”
We've touched on this theme already: in order to forthrightly address any challenge and come out stronger - transformed in some way - we need to build the requisite skills first. And not only that, but we need to recognize that we possess those skills and develop the willingness and ability to use them when facing threats of any kind.
A big part of this comes down to preparation. Have we done the work? Have we developed the confidence that comes with competence? Remember this: when you have put forth your full, entire effort into being as prepared as you can possibly be, that will give you immense strength when it comes to deploying those skills in tough situations.
Moreover, you won't perceive those tough situations as a terrifying, existential threat, but rather as an opportunity to advance closer to your as-yet unrealized potential. You'll begin to see challenges where others see only threats, and you'll have the solid, inner knowing that you have what it takes to meet them. Because it's true what Steve says:
“Whether it’s climbing a ladder or a mountain, our biological response and the sensations that come with it are guided not only by the actual experience but by our expectations. How we see the world shapes how we respond to it.”
Book Notes:
“The ‘just right’ Goldilocks fit occurs when expectations are high, but so is support. High demand accompanied by warmth and understanding.”
“Toughness is having the space to make the right choice under discomfort.”
“In evaluating nearly a dozen methods of preparing soldiers for the stress they’d experience, there were two items sitting atop the list of recommendations.
First, emphasizing core skills that aid performance, including confidence, goal setting, attention control, arousal control, imagery, self-talk, compartmentalization, and mental skills foundation.
And second, ensuring those skills are mastered before exposure to stressful conditions. In other words, you need to teach the skill first.”
“Uncertainty demands a conclusion. We have an innate need for closure, however we can reach it.
Toughness is about making the pull for closure amid uncertainty work with you, not against you. It’s training the mind to handle uncertainty long enough so that you can nudge or guide your response in the right direction. To create space so that you don’t jump straight from unease to the quickest possible solution, but to the ‘correct’ one.”
“At each point along the way, our brain makes an internal calculation of whether this feels harder or easier than expected. Pain and fatigue are our body’s way of nudging us toward a course correction. We can’t sustain the pace, so we’d better slow down.
If we don’t listen, our body will take matters into its own hands, shutting us down to prevent catastrophic failure or damage – like a car that may run out of gas miles before its destination.
A tougher runner isn’t one who is blind with ambition or confidence, but one who can accurately assess the demands and the situation.”
Action Steps:
So you've finished reading. What do you do now?
Reading for pleasure is great, and I wholeheartedly support it. However, I am intensely practical when I'm reading for a particular purpose. I want a result. I want to take what I've learned and apply it to my one and only life to make it better!
Because that's really what the Great Books all say. They all say: "You must change your life!" So here, below, are some suggestions for how you can apply the wisdom found in this breakdown to improve your actual life.
Please commit to taking massive action on this immediately! Acting on what you've learned here today will also help you solidify it in your long-term memory. So there's a double benefit! Let's begin...
#1: Tune In at Least Once a Day
Your body is sending you messages all the time about what to approach, what to avoid, what to fear, and what to stand up to.
How often - and how attentively - we listen for and receive these messages can be the difference between success and failure, between a life of "staying down" and a life of getting up again each time to fight again.
This first Action Step is about actively listening for these messages that your body is sending you, and using them to help you move forward when appropriate. Hardly anyone does this. But you can, and it could make all the difference.
So the next time you're feeling any kind of strong emotion like fear or excitement, pause for a few minutes (or seconds, if that's all the time you have before you need to act), and deeply consider the message your body is attempting to convey. Because your body is trying to help you, despite how it seems sometimes, and to be able to help you, you need to be listening in the first place.
Now, the message might not be important or even worth heeding! It's up to you whether to actively listen to it and change your behavior because of it, or let it go to mental voicemail and proceed with your original intention. This whole process gets easier over time, but it never gets any less important.
#2: Give Yourself Many Ways to Win and No Way to Lose
What I mean here is that life affords us many opportunities to gain several benefits from the same action and that oftentimes, those same opportunities come with very little downside. I can give you a few examples here.
For instance, learning to be a better writer is never going to be a bad idea. Same with learning how to sell and how to market, and it's even the same with different types of jobs.
Communication is so integral to everything we do as human beings, so learning how to do it better is never going to be a waste of time, regardless of whether you actually become a professional writer.
You could even practice salesmanship by becoming a door-to-door salesperson, and not only could that be quite lucrative, but you'd also be gaining all these other high-value skills at the same time.
Even if you get 100 doors slammed in your face in a row, it would still have been worth it because you're learning how to embrace and deal with rejection, how to structure an opening so it's less likely that you're going to have the door slammed in your face the next time, etc. So many ways to win, and virtually no downside.
Personally, I hate wasting my time, so there always has to be something else in it for me to be interested in something. People often wonder why I've worked so long at bars, but that's how I became such a fantastic listener! That's how I learned these essential problem-solving skills, how I learned to speak to women, how I learned to stand up for myself...and so much more! Working as a bouncer gave me so many ways to win, but most people were completely blind to that. All they saw was a paycheck (relatively small as it was) and decided it wasn't for them.
So regardless of what, specifically, you do, make sure that it's serving you in some way. And look for the hidden benefits of certain activities like public speaking or traveling! Set yourself up with multiple ways to win and no way to lose.
"The path to success is to take massive, determined action."
-Tony Robbins
About the Author:
Steve Magness is a world-renowned expert on performance, coauthor of Peak Performance: Elevate Your Game, Avoid Burnout, and Thrive with the New Science of Success and The Passion Paradox: A Guide to Going All In, Finding Success, and Discovering the Benefits of an Unbalanced Life, and the author of The Science of Running: How to Find Your Limit and Train to Maximize Your Performance. Collectively, his books have sold more than a quarter-million copies.
Additional Resources:
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Ok, that’s it for now…
More excellent book recommendations coming your way soon!
Again, the rest of the above breakdown is absolutely free, and you can find it right here.
What you see in this email is less than half of what you get at the Stairway to Wisdom. I left out most of the Book Notes, all the Questions to Stimulate Your Thinking, several of the Key Ideas, etc.
So there’s a lot more for you left to read if you enjoyed what you read in this email!
You can also apply to work with me directly on this page right here. I help clients gain wisdom and strength by using the knowledge found in the best books to assist people like you to get in peak physical shape, master your mind, make more money, and live a life you won’t regret.
I hope you enjoyed this edition of The Reading Life, and enjoy the rest of your week!
All the best,
Matt Karamazov
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